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So You Think You Can Dance: LA and Chicago

Get ready for two hours worth of So You Think You Can Dance recapping! Tonight: the Los Angeles and Chicago auditions. The LA judging panel is Nigel, Mary, and … Wade Robson? I guess he’s replacing Brian Friedman, but I never expected to see Wade slumming at auditions. I thought they were beneath him.

I both love and hate Wade — you might recall that he hooked up with Britney Spears back in the day, thus triggering the “Cry Me a River” Justin/Britney breakup. He also takes himself far too seriously. On the other hand, he’s got some sweet dance dance moves. But let’s get on with it.

Lauren’s first; she’s a very pretty girl with a very bad haircut. She’s also a ringer — she works for choreographer Tyce Diorio, and once gave Tobey Maguire a dance lesson. Yeesh. Obviously, she’s great. Wade gets super technical in his critique, commenting on her lines, dynamics, control, and generally sounding sort of assy. In fact, all the judges sound bored in their critiques, but it’s probably because there’s no point in gushing over one of Tyce’s girls, since she’s not undiscovered talent. Mary looks busted, by the way. Let’s hope the stylists quickly realize this and give her a touch up. Anyway, Lauren goes straight through to Vegas.

Jessi’s next, and basically does a lot of sexy stretches. It works for the judges, though. Straight to Vegas.

And now it’s time for the humiliation portion of the show. A portly homosexual gentlemen named EJ dances a lyrical routine. It’s not pleasant to watch, mostly because his t-shirt keeps riding up and showing his belly. He’s clearly had training, though, and does some nice little leaps and spins. The crowd bursts into applause, and Nigel absolutely loses it. Prepare yourselves for Nasty Nigel. He tells EJ that the applause is patronizing, and that it’s because EJ’s fat, not for his ability. Nigel’s basically trying to shame the crowd, not EJ, but it’s hard to watch. Then Wade says EJ’s dancing like a girl, which is … mean but fair. I think Mary’s the harshest, yelling at him for “feeling himself.” No, not like that, he was just caressing his face. It’s the exact same “sensual” crap that Jessi did, but it works better for a hot lady than an awkward dude. It just adds validity to Wade’s point about being masculine. Nigel encourages him to keep dancing, but adds the final dig that it’ll be good for his health. Ouch! Thankfully, EJ handles the situation with a lot of grace.

More after the jump: Continue Reading So You Think You Can Dance: LA and Chicago…

Hello again, So You Think You Can Dancers!

It’s back! Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest (dancing) reality show known to man is back! And joy of joys, it’s time to recap an audition episode. I hate watching the American Idol auditions, but for whatever reason I can tolerate public humilation much more easily when dancing is involved.

Updated: I managed to find a copy of the whole episode, so without further adieu, let the bad dancery begin!

Cat Deeley starts us off with a recap of last season’s competition and the summer tour. As hoped, she’s dressed ridiculously. Missed you, Cat! She previews the audition footage for us, and there’s some appalling stuff in store, including some chick who feigns birthing a stuffed panda out of her vah-jay-jay.

We start off in New York, where Nigel, Mary and Dan are judging the auditions. Hi guys! Missed you, too! I just love them. Sometimes we have our disagreements, but we always patch things up. Mary’s been made a permanent judge this year, which is a great decision. They can always find another ballroom choreographer, but shrill screamers are hard to come by. (Unless you’re standing outside my apartment at 3 a.m.)

First up: Dancing Derrick, who’s clearly a radio station plant or some other master of bad dancing fakery. He spastically gyrates to nineties techno. I’d enjoy his antics more if they featured a faceplant. He also ducks all the questions about his technique and goes straight for the “dancing is my life, and I’ll never give it up, no matter what you say, NIGEL” angle. Afterwards, he fakes having some sort of pulmonary episode. Hurray for excellent crazy-person faking!

Tiffany is a larger girl, and she dances to Evanescence, arms and legs a’flailing unattractively. The panel pities her. She asks what she needs to work on, and this bunch of loudmouths has absolutely nothing to say. Dan can’t even look at her. I think it was a little early in the program for Dan to act “speechless,” since this chick definitely won’t be the worst we’ll see all night, but it’s effective nevertheless. In the post-audition interview, Tiffany abandons her life dream of opening a dance studio in favor of opening a restaurant. See you next season on Top Chef, Tiffany.

Lots more after the jump:

Continue Reading Hello again, So You Think You Can Dancers!…