Hello again, So You Think You Can Dancers!

May 30, 2007 at 1:23 am | Posted in So You Think You Can Dance, TV News | 2 Comments

It’s back! Ladies and gentlemen, the greatest (dancing) reality show known to man is back! And joy of joys, it’s time to recap an audition episode. I hate watching the American Idol auditions, but for whatever reason I can tolerate public humilation much more easily when dancing is involved.

Updated: I managed to find a copy of the whole episode, so without further adieu, let the bad dancery begin!

Cat Deeley starts us off with a recap of last season’s competition and the summer tour. As hoped, she’s dressed ridiculously. Missed you, Cat! She previews the audition footage for us, and there’s some appalling stuff in store, including some chick who feigns birthing a stuffed panda out of her vah-jay-jay.

We start off in New York, where Nigel, Mary and Dan are judging the auditions. Hi guys! Missed you, too! I just love them. Sometimes we have our disagreements, but we always patch things up. Mary’s been made a permanent judge this year, which is a great decision. They can always find another ballroom choreographer, but shrill screamers are hard to come by. (Unless you’re standing outside my apartment at 3 a.m.)

First up: Dancing Derrick, who’s clearly a radio station plant or some other master of bad dancing fakery. He spastically gyrates to nineties techno. I’d enjoy his antics more if they featured a faceplant. He also ducks all the questions about his technique and goes straight for the “dancing is my life, and I’ll never give it up, no matter what you say, NIGEL” angle. Afterwards, he fakes having some sort of pulmonary episode. Hurray for excellent crazy-person faking!

Tiffany is a larger girl, and she dances to Evanescence, arms and legs a’flailing unattractively. The panel pities her. She asks what she needs to work on, and this bunch of loudmouths has absolutely nothing to say. Dan can’t even look at her. I think it was a little early in the program for Dan to act “speechless,” since this chick definitely won’t be the worst we’ll see all night, but it’s effective nevertheless. In the post-audition interview, Tiffany abandons her life dream of opening a dance studio in favor of opening a restaurant. See you next season on Top Chef, Tiffany.

Lots more after the jump:

There are no words to describe Jessica’s audition. Well, there are a few: she is wearing lingerie, legwarmers, and a tiara. Apparently the tiara represents Jesus. And it’s a sad, sad day for Our Savior.

Let’s see some good dancing, please. Hey, some ballroom dancers! They’re named Pasha and Anya, they’re Russian-ish, and they are awesome. And really, really good-looking. I think she’s slightly better, but both are great. Nigel wants to do her, and Mary calls them the best ballroom dancers on the show, ever. Damn Mary, way to hate on Dmitry and Benji! Ouch. The Russians are sent straight through to Vegas.

After the commercial, we get a little of Cat Deeley (hi Cat!) and a skilled dancer montage to represent the passage of time. Heather’s the last audition of the day, and she is way tattooed, possibly crazy, and recipient of two hip surgeries, so dancing is against doctor’s orders. Mary’s face indicate dislike, but Heather’s really not bad. Her routine’s a little boring, but she’s got great technique. Nigel loves the medical miracle angle, and even Mary gives her a “good job.” Through to Vegas.

Next, we’ve got a cool montage of Nigel quizzing people on ballet steps. But the montage is actually a clever editing move to lead into more from wacky Dancin’ Derek, who demonstrates his knowledge of the “airplane turbulence,” the “q-tip,” the “toothbrush,” and the “slot machine,” among others.

Jenna from Long Island does some terrible routine to eighties pop. It’s sad, because she’s clearly had some training and yet still sucks. Dan yells at her for not knowing how to breakdance, and Mary snippily says she doesn’t have the stamina to participate in the competition (girl’s a little large). Nigel gets really pissed, because she’s allegedly a dance teacher. Uh oh. Nigel hates unqualified dance teachers, and tells her to quit her job. She cries a lot backstage and calls Nigel a dick, and urges him to “go back to where he came from.” Let’s not drag anglophobia into this, please.

A couple rapid dismissals: Chasmar has a fauxhawk, camo capris, and does an interesting series of poses. It’s a shame because he’s got a total dancer bod, but either has no talent or isn’t training seriously. Melissa is also bad. Nigel calls her Ugly Betty. Ouch. We get another montage of Nigel being nasty, and then see Jenna crying on her cellphone. Sigh. Go to college, Jenna.

Hanna-Lee has ridiculous eye makeup on, but is otherwise cute. She survived some horrible building collapse in Israel, metal plates in her face, etc., and is just happy to be alive and dancing today. She busts out a hip hop routine, and it’s actually a lot of fun. She’s a good performer, but a little sloppy. Dan vetos her, but Mary and Nigel can’t resist the sob story and pass her on to the choreography round.

It’s breakin’ time! I love how there are no lonely b-boys out there; they all manage to find each other and form “crews.” I hope we get a Crew Dance Fight episode this season. First one up is Earnest or “E-Knock,” and he’s pretty good. And flashy: he does some nifty exploding paper trick, and backflips off, then back onto the stage. Dan gives him mad props, Mary gives him a scream, and he’s sent off to choreography. Jamal’s next, and he’s a big dude. He’s got style, but isn’t great. The judges are about to boot him, but Jamal inadvisably claims that he also dances swing. Nigel tells him to find a partner, go learn a swing routine and come back. This will end in tears.

Next up, a super weirdo ballroom dancer named Joel. He says he’s still psycho in love with his ex-girlfriend and partner Carmen. They are both not cute and scare me a lot. They are also really, really poor swing dancers. Booted. Carmen is a dance instructor, and here we go. Nigel starts lecturing, she replies that the job ad said “no experience required.” People, don’t get Nigel all worked up — just lie and tell him you’re a farmer. Mary sees an opportunity to save the world from the bad dance virus, and firmly tells Carmen theirs was the most juvenile routine of the day. Awkward. They’re next scene doing the walk of shame back home, and I must comment on Joel’s insane boombox backpack. It’s really impressive. It looks like he’s wearing a moon base.

Katie’s a director of a dance studio, and she’s here with her student, Ashley. Oh, this is ripe for disaster. I hope they aren’t shameful. Ashley goes first, attired in underwear and a fur shrug. The shrug is shedding as she dances. She’s pretty hot though, but nothing special. The judges are really nice to her, and put her through to Vegas, which — weird. I don’t think she’s Vegas-worthy, but cuteness helps, I guess. Katie’s next, and her routine’s a lot like Ashley’s, but that could be the outfit similarity — she’s wearing underwear and a cropped jacket. She goes through to Vegas, too. I bet they get cut awfully fast.

After the break, Jamal is practicing his swing routine with … E-Knock, his b-boy pal. Seriously? Well, I can believe that he can’t find a girl to do a last-minute swing routine with him, but to get back up on stage with a dude takes cojones. A for effort, Jamal.

Then we cut to Stanislav, outside in line! Hurray! I was outraged when Stanislav was cut last year in favor of Ivan. Ivan won my heart in later weeks, but even stupid Emo Hair Ben stuck around longer than Stans. Totally infuriating. He’s here to partner his sister Faina, who’s also a ballroom dancer. She’s completely adorable, and also, I covet her dress. They’re doing a routine to “Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps” — it’s very slow, with lots of figure skating-ish poses. They make it work though; it’s also totally hot. Her lines are amazing, and the footwork is great. Nigel says she’s way sexier than Stanislav, and the panel has a chuckle. Mary’s drooling over having such a talented Latin dancer in the competition. Through to Vegas!

Now it’s time for Jamal’s swing routine. Earnest is his partner, and good thing he’s pint-sized. He starts out with a lot of spazzy snapping, and Nigel actually stops the music, thinking that’s all he’s planning to do. Jamal protests that he’s actually just waiting for the music to kick in. On the second try, Jamal … well, the man commits. He actually does jazz hands, picks up E-Knock, spins him around, and does a big cartwheel. The judges laugh their asses off, and put him through to choreography. Aw, how sweet! However, Jamal better not make it past Vegas, because unlike American Idol, this show has standards. No Sanjayas here!

Aw, hell, it’s time for that gross David “Sex” guy. His hair is even longer this year, and he’s wearing special gloves and giant teal shorts. He claims he’s got hundreds of girlfriends, and has had “more” training. That may be so, but he has not improved one bit. Mary calls the dancing “the least sexiest thing” she’s ever seen. Sex disagrees. Dan asks what’s changed in a year, and he answers “better moves, more enthusiasm, and more training.” I’d go with D, none of the above. Nigel shuts him down, and Sex calls him obnoxious and disrespectful. Nigel very respectfully reiterates that Sex is the worst dancer on the planet, and they spar back and forth until Nigel kicks him off the stage. Sex yells “Sex is back!” Perhaps it is, but he’s definitely not getting any of it. Then Nigel starts arguing with Sex’s mom in the audience. It’s embarrassing for all involved, and Nigel concludes by telling them not to show their faces next year.

Choreography is next, and E-Knock gets the boot. Jamal makes it through to Vegas, and so does Hanna-Lee. Next week: Los Angeles and Chicago. Can’t wait!

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2 Comments »

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  1. Yes, Stanislav was back, but only here for his sister 😉 not for himself.

  2. Stanislav’s role was kinda small.
    He was there for his sister Faina and their routine was really good.
    Nigel first told Stanislav his sister is sexier than him (ankward!) then they all overwhelmed her with praise about her personality, performance and technique.
    Well i’ll say the Savich family might have their comeback after all.


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