So You Think You Can Dance: LA and Chicago

May 31, 2007 at 3:14 pm | Posted in So You Think You Can Dance, TV News | 2 Comments

Get ready for two hours worth of So You Think You Can Dance recapping! Tonight: the Los Angeles and Chicago auditions. The LA judging panel is Nigel, Mary, and … Wade Robson? I guess he’s replacing Brian Friedman, but I never expected to see Wade slumming at auditions. I thought they were beneath him.

I both love and hate Wade — you might recall that he hooked up with Britney Spears back in the day, thus triggering the “Cry Me a River” Justin/Britney breakup. He also takes himself far too seriously. On the other hand, he’s got some sweet dance dance moves. But let’s get on with it.

Lauren’s first; she’s a very pretty girl with a very bad haircut. She’s also a ringer — she works for choreographer Tyce Diorio, and once gave Tobey Maguire a dance lesson. Yeesh. Obviously, she’s great. Wade gets super technical in his critique, commenting on her lines, dynamics, control, and generally sounding sort of assy. In fact, all the judges sound bored in their critiques, but it’s probably because there’s no point in gushing over one of Tyce’s girls, since she’s not undiscovered talent. Mary looks busted, by the way. Let’s hope the stylists quickly realize this and give her a touch up. Anyway, Lauren goes straight through to Vegas.

Jessi’s next, and basically does a lot of sexy stretches. It works for the judges, though. Straight to Vegas.

And now it’s time for the humiliation portion of the show. A portly homosexual gentlemen named EJ dances a lyrical routine. It’s not pleasant to watch, mostly because his t-shirt keeps riding up and showing his belly. He’s clearly had training, though, and does some nice little leaps and spins. The crowd bursts into applause, and Nigel absolutely loses it. Prepare yourselves for Nasty Nigel. He tells EJ that the applause is patronizing, and that it’s because EJ’s fat, not for his ability. Nigel’s basically trying to shame the crowd, not EJ, but it’s hard to watch. Then Wade says EJ’s dancing like a girl, which is … mean but fair. I think Mary’s the harshest, yelling at him for “feeling himself.” No, not like that, he was just caressing his face. It’s the exact same “sensual” crap that Jessi did, but it works better for a hot lady than an awkward dude. It just adds validity to Wade’s point about being masculine. Nigel encourages him to keep dancing, but adds the final dig that it’ll be good for his health. Ouch! Thankfully, EJ handles the situation with a lot of grace.

More after the jump:Next up: super crazy Colin. He claims he’s a geneticist, but by “geneticist,” he means “meth addict.” He shares that Anna Nicole Smith talks to him from beyond the grave. Colin gets up on stage and starts doing that liquid trance stuff. The judges are actually fairly gracious with this guy, calling his style “not right” for the competition. Understatement of the year. Perhaps they should’ve been a little harsher, since Colin threatens to come back next year and do ballroom.

Olivia’s our first sob story. Her mom has breast cancer, and though Olivia quit dance, is auditioning to make her mom happy. It’s sweet, I guess, but there’s a lot of crying involved, and the waterworks are not working for me. Olivia’s good, but not great. She’s also lip-syncing the music and crying while she dances. She starts bawling even more during the critique. The judges are still trying to make up for the EJ incident, and send her to choreography.

Man, the freaks are out in force today. Our next dancer is Gold Inferno, who claims he’s the American “jump style” champion — self-dubbed, naturally. He’s wearing a full gold head mask, which screams either radio station plant or lost a bet. His dance? Picture clogging combined with temper tantrum. He claims the style originated in Belgium. The judges are inexplicably amused and send him to choreography.

I googled “jump style Belgium,” by the way, and it’s a real dance. Sigh. I liked this guy better when I thought he was kidding.

Amanda is next, and she’s … one of the worst contestants ever. She does some generic clubbing moves, combining them with what Tyra Banks calls “dead eyes.” Total deer in the headlights. She says she forgot her routine and blanked out, but there’s really no excuse for sucking this bad on national television. Nigel advises her to quit altogether, but Amanda’s not giving up! Barf.

Some unattractive ballroom dancers are next. Adding to their unattractiveness: Dia can’t open one eye all the way, and Kurt has had the hiccups for the past seven years. Seven years, man. They’re actually not bad, but nothing special, and Dia keeps winking at the judges. Nigel laughes his ass off about the winking, then Kurt hiccups, which sets Mary off, which sets Wade off, and they all laugh for about twenty minutes, which is probably how we ended up with a two-hour show this week. They get sent to choreography.

After choreography, Kurt and Dia get sent to Vegas, so does Olivia, and the Gold Inferno does not.

Chuy kicks off day two of the LA auditions. He has a cute smile and daddy issues. His routine is great! I think he’s going to be the new Travis. Straight to Vegas.

Who’s next? Hok the b-boy! He made it to Vegas last year, but had to drop out of the competition because he was only here on a student visa. He’s got a work visa now and is ready to bring it. And bring it he does — Wade actually stands up and applauds. Straight to Vegas.

Dominic is up next, and he’s “winging it.” Usually that means disaster, but this kid is actually good. Wade shows off his terminology once more, talking about his “upper arc” and “staccato” movements. Straight to Vegas.

We’re done with b-boys for now. Next up, eighteen-year-old Brianne, who wanted to grow up, so she danced on a cruise ship. I think she meant to tack “and had sex with a lot of dudes” on the end of that sentence. She’s cheerleader perky, bleached blonde, long legs, and not bad. Brianne gets sent to choreography.

Time for another embarrassment. He’s named Joshua Hill, he’s looking at the floor, and maybe doing ballroom? By himself? It’s quite odd. Wade tells him he’s not ready for this competition, but to keep rocking. Hilariously, Joshua comments that he’s only been dancing for a year in his post-audition interview, so he’ll see how far another year gets him.

Oh look, it’s Benji! He’s here to goof off, and also to dance with his sister Lacey. She’s exactly like Benji. Exactly. She’s the youth latin and ballroom champ, and her outfit is hilarious. It looks like she’s wearing a muppet on her boob. Their routine looks … just like Benji’s audition last year. Creativity, please! But it ends with a pretty hot move, where he fake breaks her neck, she falls down and he struts offstage. Very classy that Benji didn’t hang around for the applause. It’s so great to see him back onstage! Obviously, Lacey goes straight to Vegas. Ooh, smackdown between Benji’s sister and Stanislav’s sister! We can only hope.

After choreography, Brianne gets sent to Vegas. Ugh, I don’t like her.

Now we’re off to Chicago, and Shane Sparks replaces Wade at the judging table. Hi Shane! Morgan’s up first. She’s got long hair, long legs, and a serious midwestern accent. Nothing wrong with her dancing, but it’s not mature. No matter: the judges sense they can mold her. Nigel says she has some wonderful things that the choreographers would like to get a hold of, and by that I’m pretty sure he means her legs. Straight to Vegas.

Cat practices popping with some dude in line, who looks like John Turturro. His name’s Phillip, he’s a popper, and he’s SICK. At times, it’s so good, it’s creepy — particularly the “I have no bones in my arms” move. Shane starts screaming before Phillip’s routine is even finished; he can barely form words, ultimately resorting to beat-boxing to express his appreciation. Straight to Vegas.

A sinister montage of wack b-boys, lumpy lyrical dancers, and America’s worst tap dancers follows. What’s next? The Gomez kids! They’re large and enthused, so they look like trouble. Isauro’s up first, and despite the belly, is not bad at all. He combines hip hop and tap, and it’s quite cute. Mary applauds him for his attitute and personality, and Nigel graciously cuts him loose with a “just not good enough.”

Now it’s time for sister Yesenia. She’s great! Despite a larger girl, she’s a true performer, and has had some training. Basically no flexibility, but she more than makes up for it with attitude. Shane loves Yesenia, but Mary’s less impressed. Nigel likes her, and sends her to choreography.

After choreography, the panel sends a couple of long-legged girls to Vegas … and Yesenia! Good for her! I’ll be shocked if she gets past Vegas, though. I don’t see any ballroom success in her future.

Chicago: day two. The first contestants are Lindy Hoppers named Michael and Evita. The girl looks just like Laura San Giacomo, and the guy is super goofy — basically how you’d expect a dude that does Lindy Hop to look like. I didn’t think they were that great, but Mary gives the thumbs up, and she’s the expert, so I defer. Straight to Vegas.

Next up, a smiley lady named Janet dances to Nelly Furtado. She’s quite good, and I was totally shocked when Nigel announced Janet has a prosthetic arm. Seriously, it’s barely noticeable. Hurray for advances in prosthetics! They put her through to choreography. None of them address the elephant in the room, which is: how the hell is she going to partner in ballroom? Very carefully?

Our last auditionee of the day is Quincy, and he’s a b-boy who auditioned back in season one. They show flashes to his old auditions, and he’s pretty good. Unfortunately, we’re about to see prosthesis number two: he lost his leg in a motorcycle accident, and is about to pull a Heather Mills. He’s a good mover, but is kind of stuck in one spot. The judges notice that something’s up and stop the music, at which point Quincy shows off the fake leg. When Nigel starts to give him a reality check, Quincy announces “this is for me.” Nigel’s impressed, and invites him to stick around for choreography, just for fun. Unfortunately, Quincy hurt the other leg and can’t continue, but it’s sweet nonetheless.

Choreography time, and Janet gets sent to Vegas. This should be interesting. No lifts for Janet!

Whew, that was a lot of writing. And still more to come tomorrow, with the Atlanta auditions!

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2 Comments »

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  1. ohohohahahah… muppet on her boob… ahahahah i love you!

  2. Hi! I’ve watched all the shows, but enjoy reading someone elses veiws on it. Would you happen to know the name of the song and/or artist that Benji and Lacey danced to?? I agree it was GREAT to see him again.


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