As a self-proclaimed television aficionado, you’d think I’d be more upset about the writers strike.  Let’s face it, aside from the So You Think You Can Dance fetish, I’m pretty much only interested in scripted television.  I should be crying my eyes out.  But while I’m following the strike coverage religiously (Deadline Hollywood Daily, dudes), I’m perfectly content to miss out on the 2008 season.  Doesn’t bother me at all.  So what’s going on here?

1. A really weak pilot season.  None of the year’s new shows were particularly thrilling.  The only ones I still watch regularly are Dirty Sexy Money and Pushing Daisies, and I sort of want to love those shows more than I actually do, you know?  I loved Mad Men, but it finished its run mid-fall.  My parents adore The Big Bang Theory.  It’s cute, but I don’t need to watch it every week.  They’re more into it, I decided, because they don’t know any super geeks.  I do, so watching fictional geeks is considerably less thrilling.  So, yeah.  Big yawn to the new shows.  And I have extremely low expectations for the ones yet to air (The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Cashmere Mafia, whatever).

2. No exciting cliffhangers.  As for the other shows I watch, I’m happy to press the pause button on their current plotlines.  In previous years, I was into heavily serialized shows like Veronica Mars, Alias and Lost.  I would’ve been irate if the networks put Logan in jail or left Vaughn caught in the throes of some Rambaldi device and then left me hanging for months on end.  But this year, I don’t really have a must-see heart-pounding drama.  I love Friday Night Lights, but c’mon, it’s just football.  Heroes is the only show around with life-or-death stakes, and I hate to point this out to you, but Heroes is mediocre.  It’s exciting occasionally, and some of the people are pretty, but it’s never awesome.  So, yeah, Heroes going off the air for months?  I’ll survive.

As for the softer dramas — Grey’s Anatomy, Ugly Betty – no big cliffhangers there either.  Sure, McDreamy is flirting with the new nurse, but we the viewers know a stupid plot twist when we see one.  It’s not like Meredith has her hand stuck in Bomb Guy’s chest.  Now there’s a cliffhanger!  Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever be as emotionally involved with Grey’s Anatomy again, even if they taped Christina to the front of a speeding train or something.  You can’t top Bomb Guy.  It’s fourth season, the show’s peaked.  It’s all downhill from here.

There’s nothing crazy going on with the half-hour comedy romantic subplots, either — and that’s the Catch-22 with comedies.  They’re more accessible to viewers, but people won’t skip happy hour to go home and watch except in two situations: the show’s attained cult social status, or some folks on the show are about to make out.  Romantic tension is key.  For example, 30 Rock is my favorite show.  I’m obsessed.  But I’m willing to DVR it.  Last season, DVR was unacceptable; I had to watch in real time — because Floyd and Liz were going to hook up.  Same thing with Jim and Pam on The Office: they’re together now, so we can all take a deep breath and relax.  I can even relax all the way to 2009.  As long as I’m assured these shows will come back eventually, I’m happy.

3. College basketball.  I mostly watch ACC games during the regular, and this means I’m woefully underinformed when March Madness rolls around.  When it comes to the Big East, I’ll end up picking teams with stupid mascot names for my bracket, crap like that.  Because normally I’m watching too much TV already to have time for SportsCenter – but this year, there won’t be any good TV to get in the way!  It’s all college hoops all the time, baby!  (Apologies for channeling Dickie V.)

4.  The writers are right.  

5.  The Wire.  I’ve never seen it!  I’m going to rent it!  I’m pretty excited about it!

I watched the return of the late shows last night — loved that Conan seemed to play by the rules; while clearly there was planning about what went on the air, it didn’t seem as “written” as the Leno material did.  And Dave was fantastic, continuing to publicize the writers strike while keeping the material hilarious.  Hey, I guess that’s what professional writers are good for!

It’s kind of a casting spoiler, so stop reading now if you don’t want to know which former Lost cast member will appear on the show this season … I said stop reading if you don’t want to know … Harold Perrineau!

Thank goodness. Last season I was extremely pissed about the rumors that Harold was refusing to return for a guest spot after being written off the show, because I felt the fans were “owed” a resolution to Michael’s story. This is a relief — maybe the initial refusal was just due to scheduling problems, maybe the money wasn’t right, maybe he just had a change of heart. Whatever. Thank you, Harold Perrineau!

Here’s the latest on the fate of ABC’s new and returning series:

Returning Series:
Dancing with the Stars: Will air a 90-minute show on Monday at 8 pm, then an hour-long show at 9 pm on Tuesday.

Boston Legal: Returning in the fall, will air Tuesday at 10 pm.

Lost: Lost will return with 16 episodes airing straight through, no repeats. It’ll probably start up around February sweeps, and will move back up to 8 or 9 pm on Wednesday.

Ugly Betty: Staying at Thursday at 8 pm.

Grey’s Anatomy: Staying at Thursday at 9 pm.

Men in Trees: Fridays at 8 pm.

Notes from the Underbelly and October Road: Will start midseason, either to fill in during hiatus or in case something gets canceled.

New Series:
Big Shots: This is the one we’ve been waiting for — Michael Vartan’s return to series television. Haven’t you always been fascinated by the personal dramas of rich white guys? ABC is betting you are, especially when some of those dudes are Dylan McDermott, Christoper Titus, and Joshua Malina. Hopefully this prestige cast will deliver another Brothers & Sisters, not another Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. ABC is airing it in its best timeslot, post-Grey’s Anatomy, Thursday at 10 pm.

Sam I Am: Christina Applegate stars as a total bitch who, after a week-long coma, starts over as a nice person. Presumably, this will all be funny. Will air at Monday, 9:30 pm after Dancing with the Stars.

Cavemen: That’s right, the Geico cavemen got their own show. It sounds heinous, and according to those in the know, it is heinous. Airing Tuesday at 8 pm.

Carpoolers: Hilarious hijinks will ensue in the carpool lane, featuring Jerry O’Connell as one of the aforementioned carpoolers. Will air at 8:30 pm after Cavemen, until Cavemen gets canceled.

Pushing Daisies: Plan to watch, because this is supposed to be the best pilot of the season. Billed as a “forensic fairytale,” it’s about a guy named Ned who can bring things back to life, and uses this ability to help solve murder cases by asking the dead to name who killed them. But life sucks even for miracle workers — Ned brings his childhood sweetheart back with a touch, but if he touches her again she’ll die for good. Airing Wednesday at 8 pm.

Private Practice: The Grey’s Anatomy spinoff starring Addison. We got a preview of this show a couple of weeks ago, and it looked cute. Paul Adelstein, Amy Brenneman, Merrin Dungey, Chris Lowell, and Taye Diggs costar — and of course, Tim Daly, who is so smoking hot, he makes the rest of them look like uggos. The big question here is, why isn’t this airing on Thursday? Instead, it’ll be on Wednesday at 9 pm.

Dirty Sexy Money: Very interesting premise, about a lawyer who becomes the personal attorney for a large, Kennedy-ish New York family, and presumably scandal and corruption ensue. Great cast, too: Peter Krause and Donald Sutherland star. Airing Wednesday at 10 pm.

Women’s Murder Club: A detective, a district attorney, a medical examiner, and a reporter pool their resources to solve crimes. The gimmick: they’re females! Now that’s progress. Will air Friday at 9 pm after Men in Trees.

Cashmere Mafia: This one sounds exactly like Lipstick Jungle, except with four women instead of three, which makes it exactly like Sex and the City. The cast is strong, though, with Lucy Liu, Frances O’Connor, and Bonnie Somerville. Will start midseason.

Eli Stone: About a lawyer who starts having visions, wondering if he has a higher calling, or if this is due to a brain aneurysm. This one’s been held over until something gets canceled, but the cast alone is worth a look. It stars Jonny Lee Miller, Victor Garber, and Natasha Henstridge.

Miss/Guided: Judy Greer stars as a former geek who returns to her high school as a guidance counselor. But nasty Brooke Burns, the former cheerleader turned English teacher, is out to steal Judy Greer’s man, ruin her life, and generally be a bitchy menace. This one is also being held on the backburner.

You can watch video previews of the new series here. You’re welcome.

Lost’s creators have been promising all along that their show is actually going somewhere, and not just wandering aimlessly — but I think we can all agree that nevertheless, some aimless wandering has occurred.   In an unusual move, ABC has announced that Lost will continue for three more seasons, sixteen episodes each, in order to help the writers map out the twists and turns.  Hopefully, this will result in a more fast-paced show.  (And hopefully Sawyer and Kate will stop doing it.)

I’ve got a love-hate thing with Lost, and lately it’s more hate than love. The Locke episode was cool, sure. I know a lot of people liked the Nikki/Paolo episode, but it kind of annoyed me. For one thing, the creators basically admitted they were written off the show due to bad viewer response. That’s so irritating — I want to watch a show with a clear direction and creative vision, not one that’s swayed by the whims of the masses. Did they not read the Federalist Papers?  If we don’t like the characters, make us like them!  It’s not that hard; give them a few funny lines or have them do something useful.

While I’m pointing fingers, I’d like to point another at Harold Perrineau, who is refusing to come back for the season finale. Dude, that’s fucked up. I understand he’s probably mad about being written off, but c’mon, he can’t take a week and go to Hawaii? He owes it to the show. It made him famous, and the fans deserve a follow-up to his storyline. Think about it: how cool would it be if we saw Walt and Michael living in New York, refusing to think about the past or talk about the time they spent on the island, just trying to live normally, but unable to forget? And then Desmond’s girlfriend Penny shows up at their door, somehow tracking them down? That would be an AWESOME cliffhanger, and now we’re not going to get to see it. Damn that Perrineau.